fold your hands child

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:35:36 GMT

of course, motherfucking thunderbirds are now! would choose to play on a night that i absolutely must work. i haven't been to a fun show since...diplo? that was over a year ago!

unrelated, but i didn't realize that yo la tengo was even a band still.

not that i don't appreciate the concern

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 17:56:06 GMT

but when people ask me how much i weigh, i'm just going to start responding "enough to kick your ass."

same answer goes for "how much have you had to drink?" and "how many baseball bats do you own?"

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 03:30:14 GMT

i've been sitting in front of this computer screen for two hours and haven't even started my homework. instead, i've been looking at all of my old journal entries.
remember when i was really timid and self deprecating? the latter may actually still hold up, i can't even tell anymore.
either way, i've gone from totally alienating myself to totally alienating other people. FINALLY.

on that note, i saw nick and norah's infinite playlist this afternoon. it was really mentally draining, probably the most uncomfortable i've felt watching a movie by myself. it made me so self-conscious seeing a movie that my 16 year-old self would have really identified with. like psychic vampires sucked out my life force and used it to sell mp3 players.
apparently this is a common experience people go through in their 20s.

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 05:41:42 GMT

when it comes to foresight, i must be legally blind.

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 04:43:29 GMT

election spurs hundreds of race threats

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:04:58 GMT

RIP the economy. sucks for anyone who wasn't already broke!

oh, i keep forgetting this, but i'm 20 now, which is like, significant for some reason. this is officially my 20s. maybe now's the right time to take the training wheels off. also, when does one usually make the transition from young and jaded to old and bitter?

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:14:04 GMT

Landmark experiment to unlock secrets of Big Bang could cause end of the world, say scientists in court bid to halt it

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 16:32:01 GMT

watching cnn for hours last night reminded me of how angry i am about the past 4 years, and i suppose that was the point and that i'm falling for the propaganda, but honestly it was more like someone shoving celery and green peppers down my throat to remind me that i really hate celery and green peppers.

oh yeah, on a bulletinboard in the backroom at work, they have an inspirational message posted. basically it's about never giving up, not being discouraged, etc. it resembles this list that i found online:

In 1831 he failed in business.
In 1832 he was defeated for the state legislature.
In 1833 he failed again in business.
In 1834 he was elected to the state legislature.
In 1835 his sweetheart died.
In 1836 he had a nervous breakdown.
In 1838 he was defeated for Speaker.
In 1840 he was defeated for Elector.
In 1843 he was defeated for Congress.
In 1846 he was elected for one term to Congress.
In 1848 he was defeated again for Congress.
In 1855 he was defeated for the Senate.
In 1856 he was defeated for Vice President.
In 1858 he was defeated again for the Senate.
In 1860 he, finally, was elected President of the United States.

AND THAT MAN.. WAS PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

and underneath it someone attached a post-it note saying "in 1865 his wife convinced him to see a play at ford's theater."

now, eve-and-the-apple-esque sexism aside, at least someone else remembers the part about him getting shot in the head. so, to sum up, this man failed at everything he attempted his entire life, had an abusive wife, became president of a country that was on the verge of splitting apart (for better or worse is a different argument), and then got shot.

the odds of all this happening to one guy, phew. chance is indeed a cruel mistress. it must suck having an abusive wife AND a cruel mistress.

i start my 3rd year of college VERY SOON. i have done nothing to prepare. this doesn't bother me.

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 15:27:04 GMT

i feel like a dead star.
worn out from perpetually using small amounts of my resources on the tiny, day-to-day necessities like fusing hydrogen particles until i collapse under the weight of everything i've built myself up to be, transforming into a terrific explosion that indiscriminately engulfs everything i come upon in a bath of cosmic flame.

yeah.

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 05:03:49 GMT

i don't write for shit anymore.

actually, you could probably replace the word "write" in that sentence with basically anything and it would still be true.

almost-twenty is a bad thing to be. i feel like there's so much but still nothing.

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 19:53:13 GMT

i wonder if there's any particular reason that i have been consistantly unhappy for the past year or so of my life. maybe this happens to everyone? i don't know why i'm posting questions when nobody even uses this thing anymore.

i got my first real pay check from work a while back. it was smaller than i thought it would be, and it won't get much bigger. not unless i get those sales up!! but i'm not gonna try to get those sales up, and i'm not gonna complain about taxes when most of it is going towards stuff i believe in, because if there's anything more important to me than money, it's moral superiority.

Thu, 29 May 2008 03:08:37 GMT

being back home is not what i expected. my brain feels dusty and clogged. hopefully, drowning it in alcohol this weekend will make things better.

maybe it's from watching sicko finally a few days ago or maybe this happens every summer, but i've been feeling more nationalistic than usual. so far i've only been expressing that nationalism by listening to more american bands, but it seems that somebody must have picked up on this and decided to give me that most american of rewards: a job.

the whole job search thing got demoralizing pretty quickly. i have a hard enough time spending an hour and a half writing down bullshit until my hand aches when i know it's gonna get me closer to having a college degree. it's another story altogether when i don't even know for sure if it'll get me any closer to that part-time, dead-end job i've had my eye on.

in case you were wondering

Thu, 17 May 2007 01:36:56 GMT

i'm still alive.

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 03:14:54 GMT

as a non-christian, or non-practicing one, anyway, the story of the prodigal son always baffled and enraged me, so i'm not expecting livejournal to bestow its bountiful riches upon me any time soon. i'm not even expecting my Livejournal Voice (if you post a lot, you know what i'm talking about) to come back. i'm pretty sure i've even gotten rid of my thirst for internet approval. so why the hell am i writing this?

basically, i never write anymore unless i'm writing a paper for school or talking online, and neither of these are exercising my brain in the way i'd like. actually, i'm pretty astonished by how little i think nowadays. i'm one of those kids that is all like "when i graduate, i'm gonna be a writer!!" so i don't have to find a real job or ever wake up before 10, and if i don't get back in the habit of writing, that's not gonna go very well.

speaking of totally "real" jobs, at this point, i've been working at the harbor house for almost six months. i got a talking to about being more pro-active, in that i've been there longer than a lot of the other employees, but still put in about as much effort as i did on day one, if not less. it's true i'm not psyched about working there, but i'm certainly no less psyched than i am at any job; and i'm not actively NOT PSYCHED.

i should really quit wasting my completely emotionless words on livejournal and put them to use in my fifteen page research paper that i need by tomorrow.

oh yeah, i dyed my hair semi-black. semi as in i was too afraid to leave it on for twenty-five minutes, but it's still uncharacteristically dark. espresso, i'd call it.

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 04:31:53 GMT

some guy sent this message to me on myspace:

um,
I think you were in my chem class once at heritage...
and physics for about a week...

but have you by any chance ever written "screw feminists" and/or "OMG Lauren Davis - cool!" in a copy of The Feminine Mystique at Barnes and Noble?

sorry
just wondering...

LOL.

srsly, i know that the whole idea of women having, like, rights and stuff is pretty lame and totally something that should be mocked, but who would care enough about me or my politics to even bother?

pff.

if anything, i'm sort of flattered that someone would think of me when they see something relating to feminism.

thank you, anonymous dumb asshole.

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 21:28:48 GMT

"...but Mother Teresa, they weren't."

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 06:44:49 GMT

WHY THE FUCK did nobody tell me that forward, russia! was playing tonight?

i know everyone thinks that i'm just ridiculous and overly sensitive, but i'm honestly surprised that this week didn't kill me. i'm pretty sure that my parents must have contacted my english professor and that one guy and convinced them both to join in on their plot to ruin my life and make me completely miserable. no, really. just think about it- all four of them act like they like me for awhile but, really, they all just end up making me want to fall asleep on railroad tracks.
self-pity aside, i have very little respect left for my parents and a very large desire to move far away from here.

what am i talking about. the only things i need in this world are netflix and manolo pumps. material items can make up for the lack of love in my life.

ouchies

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 04:38:01 GMT

one more

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 02:28:19 GMT

i just called keith michael to see if he could help me with my math homework.
he didn't answer.

i can't take how stingy my bosses are much longer. apparently the personality test i just took agrees with me, as one of my lowest scores was for wealth, which as we all know is a crucial character trait. for some perspective into this test, one of my highest scores was for physical fitness. this is probably because i said "true" for all the "i'm thin" statements, and i couldn't specify that by "thin" i actually meant "frail and wimpy." anyway, i heard a rumor that my school's library needs a new sexy librarian. maybe i'll be the closest thing that they can find.

whenever i sit down and feel compelled to write, like REALLY WRITE, like LIVEJOURNAL DOESN'T COUNT, it doesn't work. i describe a setting. i put in some dialogue. and after i do that, i realize that that shit just isn't good. what's wrong with me? i swear, there was a time when creativity flowed in my veins like blood used to do and like i wish alcohol did most the time. is it true that those who can't do, teach?

uhhhh

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 19:56:52 GMT

“I’m worried that too many people, both in politics and out, don’t appreciate the seriousness of the threat to American security and the evil of the enemy that faces us — more evil, or as evil, as Nazism and probably more dangerous than the Soviet Communists we fought during the long Cold War,” Mr. Lieberman said.

reread that so you can appreciate the seriousness of our enemy. WORSE THAN NAZIS! look out world! the... who... the terrorists? the iraqis? fuck man, i dunno, but somebody's coming, they're probably muslim, and they're gonna fuck us up!

if every politician that made completely ridiculous and misleading comparisons was as close to having their political career ended as lieberman, i would sleep a lot better. seriously. if i want to hear someone try to influence my actions using fear, i'll just call up my dad and tell him i'm driving around detroit by myself.

i really miss my english class from last year.

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 03:06:03 GMT

i propose a toast to my self control
you see it crawling helpless on the floor

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 00:11:37 GMT

you know, some people are good at drawing, some people can sing, some people play golf, some people write amazing stories, but the only thing i'm good at is fucking shit up.

i'm taking back all of my birthday gifts and just buying cats. lots of cats. then i'll name them all after elements on the periodic table and stay shut up in my house with them for the next ten years while rumors of my insanity circle the neighborhood and little kids are too afraid to come get their stray baseballs out of my yard and, somehow, everything in my house will begin to smell faintly like cottage cheese but no one will ever really know that because i'll be all alone. forever. oh god.

i know it's not a real word

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 21:43:40 GMT

oh man. this past weekend i had a lot of fun that was sorely sorely needed. really incredible, life-affirming fun. nice to be in situations where i don't feel totally socially awkward.
but today i'm sick. i don't just 'feel sick,' i have a fever, making it official. back in elementary school the fever was my justification for sitting around all day doing nothing. nowadays, i do that every chance i get, so the fever just makes me feel less guilty for it.
there's this little demon in my belly that keeps wanting me to write (for class, not just in this journal) and i'm resisting as hard as i can. something's disrupted the flow of inspiramine to the motivation receptors in my brain, and i think this little demon is occasionally making trips up my spine to fiddle around with some things and hit shit with a wrench to see if it can fix things. i'm thinking he's one of those reverse gremlins i read about in discover magazine last night.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 16:03:29 GMT

so i was drinking some coffee (i know, right?) to cut through this morning's fog of drowsiness like high beam headlights, until i remembered that high beams don't cut through fog, they reflect back at you and make it even more difficult to see. now i'm just as tired as before, only more jittery and with a slight headache.

you know that blogger's 6th sense, that little voice that pops up in your head from time to time saying "you should write about this?" i experienced that today. it's refreshing because it distracts me from the other voices in my head, mostly the ones of nagging self-doubt.

i looked back at all of my livejournal entries today. by looking back through my livejournal i can sort of see the patterns of my happy, clearheadedness and my foggy, slothlike delirium. i guess right now i'm a little closer to the second one, but given my current situation, that's to be expected, right? hopefully it will stop feeling like my body is rejecting my brain like it's a transplanted organ soon.

i want to make some interesting friends, but i lied in that last entry; i have no social skillz. on the larger scale i tend to dislike people i'm not already friends with or who dress/think/speak in a way that i don't like. that sounds awful, i know. i'm an awful person.

oh yeah, i'm going out of town for a week. well-needed, partially-earned vacation.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 05:18:58 GMT

not to sound __________, but i feel like there's something wrong. i mean, besides this cavity that sends a shock of pain through my jaw every time i drink something or the fact that my blood won't stay in my body. i'm not sure what it is, and i'm not sure what/who it affects, but i swear i feel it. it could be something small, easily solved (like the cavity) or it could devour us all. only time will tell.

i feel really uneasy. my life is going well, nothing bad has really happened, no tragedies. but bad stuff happens to everyone, so it's bound to happen to me. this isn't karma or fate or anything i'm talking about, just probability. not to say that i'm constantly looking over my shoulder for something to even the score. maybe i should, though.

when's the last time i've gone to sleep before 4am two mornings in a row? in a past life. speaking of which, when cats have 9 lives, are their 9 lives all going simultaneously, or one after another?

i talked to a random dude at the mall today. enjoyable encounters with strangers prove i am capable of social interaction.