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(no subject) [Sep. 11th, 2011|06:53 pm]
ugh, fuck 9/11.
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(no subject) [Jul. 16th, 2011|11:19 pm]
so, how exactly is one supposed to function when someone that they love is actively in the process of dying?

i think and worry and feel guilty about it and that makes me feel sick.
then i try to think about other things and not talk to anyone about it, which does make me feel slightly better, but then i just feel even more guilty for thinking about anything else.
and now i feel guilty for even being selfish enough to be so preoccupied with my own feelings when he's going through so much more than i can even fathom.

i hope nobody actually reads my livejournal.
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(no subject) [Nov. 13th, 2010|11:53 pm]
[Current Music |cat power- sea of love]

every morning when i wake up, i'm struck with the realization that my best friend is dead, my parents and siblings haven't had anything to do with me in over a year, i lost the academic opportunity i worked so hard for and that everyone thinks i'm at fault for all three of these things.

then i swallow all of that back down just so i can get out of bed one more day and tell myself that i'm just very busy today at my first choice school and that's why i haven't talked to my friend or my family yet, but they should be calling soon.
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(no subject) [Oct. 27th, 2010|11:18 am]
[Current Music |bombay bicycle club]

life seemed a lot easier when i was an addict.
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(no subject) [Jul. 29th, 2010|01:01 pm]
i never thought that twenty one could feel so old; i feel like i'm only living in memories these days.

rachel is constantly in my thoughts; i read somewhere that atheists and agnostics have a harder time dealing with death because the idea of an afterlife is absent. i'm not sure if that's my problem, or if this is normal. maybe it's the nagging feelings of guilt that i can't shake off. or maybe it's just that refusing to face or even acknowledge troublesome truths has always been my m.o.
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(no subject) [Dec. 2nd, 2009|10:35 pm]
[Current Mood |annoyedannoyed]

of course, motherfucking thunderbirds are now! would choose to play on a night that i absolutely must work. i haven't been to a fun show since...diplo? that was over a year ago!

unrelated, but i didn't realize that yo la tengo was even a band still.

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not that i don't appreciate the concern [Jun. 10th, 2009|12:52 pm]
[Current Music |the paper chase]

but when people ask me how much i weigh, i'm just going to start responding "enough to kick your ass."

same answer goes for "how much have you had to drink?" and "how many baseball bats do you own?"
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(no subject) [Apr. 13th, 2009|11:16 pm]
[Current Mood |nauseatednauseated]
[Current Music |m.i.a.- bamboo banga]

i've been sitting in front of this computer screen for two hours and haven't even started my homework. instead, i've been looking at all of my old journal entries.
remember when i was really timid and self deprecating? the latter may actually still hold up, i can't even tell anymore.
either way, i've gone from totally alienating myself to totally alienating other people. FINALLY.

on that note, i saw nick and norah's infinite playlist this afternoon. it was really mentally draining, probably the most uncomfortable i've felt watching a movie by myself. it made me so self-conscious seeing a movie that my 16 year-old self would have really identified with. like psychic vampires sucked out my life force and used it to sell mp3 players.
apparently this is a common experience people go through in their 20s.
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tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick [Dec. 7th, 2008|11:33 pm]
[Current Music |xiu xiu]

when it comes to foresight, i must be legally blind.


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(no subject) [Nov. 15th, 2008|11:39 pm]

election spurs hundreds of race threats
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